Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
its whatevr the fuvk you could ever want is wht it is. i dont wanna read. literacy? overated in my opinion. overated.
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
Randomize
