she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
It all started with a game of naked twister.
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
