turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
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