So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
Randomize
