sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
i need to put some appletini on your dick
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
Randomize
