I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
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