drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
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