So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
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