and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
What's dad's email?
[email protected]
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
Randomize
