I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
Randomize
