That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
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