I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
Randomize
