I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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