The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
Randomize
