We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Randomize
