I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
Randomize
