Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
Randomize
