Whoa Z and x make the same sound
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
Randomize
