don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
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