the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
Randomize
