It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize
