I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
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