I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
Randomize
