last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
Randomize
