I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
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