Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
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