This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
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