i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Randomize
