I met the friendliest cop last night
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
i need some magic done to my vagina
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
Randomize
