1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
Randomize
