Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
Randomize
