i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
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