It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
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