I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
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