Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
Randomize
