the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
Randomize
