I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
Randomize
