Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Randomize
