So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
Randomize
