Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
Picture Ja Rule and 50 Cent having a sexy full grown love child son...He's on my bus right now, wearing an outside jacket with no shirt underneath. My fashion sense and libido are fighting it out.I'll keep you posted on who wins.
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
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