cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
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