worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
Randomize
