Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
Randomize
