If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
sick fucks of a feather flock together
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
Randomize
