Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
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