Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
Randomize
