That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
Randomize
