I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
Randomize
