Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
Randomize
