the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
Naked Twister starts at high noon
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
Randomize
