ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
Randomize
